So I have been analyzing my life and have figured out that I need to change how I am living. Currently, I am feeling very lost and that life is passing me by and I am letting it. The two things I have realized is that I am lost and have no passion for anything.
To start with being lost I find that I don't know myself anymore. I remember a time when I enjoyed being with myself and enjoyed my own thoughts. My senior year of high school one teacher wrote a little thing about each member of our class. I remember she said that I was my own best friend and knew the importance of loving myself. I have lost that. I think it is because over the course of time I have let school, work, and other things get in the way of remembering who I am.
The other reason I think I am lost is that I have let my spiritual side go. I have not been diligent in church attendance, prayer, scripture study, and attending the temple. It has been an on and off process. It is not that I don't want to go to church and follow the commandments I just get complacent. It is not that I don't believe.
Next, is passion in life. I have none. When I mentioned this to my family they mentioned my love of baseball. I am sad to announce I have not watched a Yankees game this season and I don't really follow. The only reason I know what is kind of going on is my boss who is a Red Sox fan and my brother.
I don't enjoy doing anything anymore. Nothing really sounds exciting or fun to do anymore. I usually spend my time watching TV or even reading. Even this is done to pass the time.
Reading this I bet it sounds like my life is awful but there is a silver lining. I have decided to go on a quest to find myself and find passion for life. What brought this about was seeing Eat Pray Love and reading an email a friend received from her sister. First the movie was boring but I realized that I didn't want my life to pass and me to be a robot who just passes the time. I wanted to live and find excitement. I wanted to say I tried things and found not only who I am but a passion for life. In my friends email her sister states that growing is not always an easy process and you can't give up. I feel like I have given up. I don't want to give up. I want to grow and be the person I want to be. My favorite thing she said is "don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect." I need to do this and find happiness in the moment. I need to not let the moments pass.
So hear is my plan. I am going to make a list and try new things out. I have no idea what this will bring. I will fail at many things, find I am okay at others, and just find joy. I also am not going to wait around for others to do things. If I want to go to Bear Lake I am going to go. If I want to go to a baseball game I am going to go. I am really excited about what life might bring.
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